-AAAH! AAH! AAH! AAH!
-SHUT UP! SHUT UP!
-WHAT DO -- WHAT DO YOU WANT?!
-ASK YOUR LITTLE NO-COLLAR CHOIRBOY, HUH?
-OH! -YOU OWE ME 6 GRAND,
-OH!
-KENNY, DO YOU KNOW THESE BOYS?
-LOOK, GUYS, I'LL GET IT! I JUST NEED MORE TIME,
[ alarm ringing ]
-KEEP HIM AWAY FROM ME, HUH?
I FEEL LIKE A CHILD MOLESTER,
-OH!
OH, NICE WORK, KID,
-THE DEPARTMENT'S GOT AN UNDERCOVER PROGRAM,
EVERY YEAR, THE DEPARTMENT TAKES YOUNGER-LOOKING OFFICERS --
AT LEAST, THE YOUNGER-LOOKING ONES
WE THINK CAN HANDLE THE PRESSURE,
TEACH THEM HOW TO BE TEENAGERS AGAIN,
THEN WE SEND THEM OUT TO VARIOUS HIGH SCHOOLS
WHERE WE CAN USE A GOOD MAN UNDERCOVER,
-NO, THANKS,
-EITHER THIS OR I ASSIGN YOU TO A DESK AT PARKER CENTER
UNTIL YOU LOOK OLD ENOUGH TO BE A COP,
-THIS IS NOT A REAL IMPRESSIVE COMPLETION RECORD, BAUER,
SEEMS LIKE, AT WILCOX HIGH,
YOU THREW A LOT OF INTERCEPTIONS,
( indistinct conversations )
-COME ON, WAXER! LEAVE ME ALONE, MAN!
YOU'RE GONNA LIKE IT HERE AT AMHERST, BOY,
YOU'RE GONNA LIKE IT A LOT IF YOU LIKE DYING,
-♪ WE NEVER THOUGHT OF FINDING ♪
♪ A PLACE WHERE WE BELONG ♪
♪ DON'T HAVE TO STAND ALONE ♪
♪ WE'LL NEVER LET YOU FALL ♪
♪ DON'T NEED PERMISSION ♪
♪ TO DECIDE WHAT YOU BELIEVE ♪
-♪ YOU'RE GONNA LEARN SOMETHING ♪
♪ WHEN WE MEET YOU AFTER SCHOOL ♪
-♪ I SAID, JUMP ♪
♪ DOWN ON JUMP STREET ♪
♪ I SAID, JUMP ♪
♪ DOWN ON JUMP STREET ♪
♪ YOUR FRIENDS WILL BE THERE ♪
♪ WHEN YOUR BACK IS ♪ TO THE WALL ♪
♪ YOU'LL FIND YOU NEED US ♪
♪'CAUSE THERE'S NO ONE ELSE TO CALL ♪
♪ WHEN IT LOOKS HOPELESS ♪
♪ A DECISION'S WHAT YOU NEED ♪
-♪ YOU BETTER BE READY 'CAUSE YOU'RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME ♪
-♪ I SAID, JUMP ♪
♪ 21 JUMP STREET! ♪
( indistinct conversations )
-KYLE ROTE, BABY, NEW YORK GIANTS!
BREAK RUNNER!
-GUYS, CAN WE TALK?
-OPEN!
-PINHOLE!
GO GET 'EM! TOUCHDOWN! -ALL RIGHT!
-GUYS, LOOK, I'D REALLY LIKE TO GET DOWN TO,,,
-ALWAYS KICKED LIKE THIS WHEN HE RAN KYLE ROTE,
I USED TO IMITATE IT WHEN I WOULD PLAY IN HIGH SCHOOL,
-YOU LOOKING FOR A FACE, MAN?
UGH!
-GUYS, CAN WE GET DOWN TO BUSINESS HERE?
-AAAH!
UGH!
-GUYS, I'D REALLY LIKE TO TAKE CARE OF THIS,
-HUH?
-WELL, ACCORDING TO PROCEDURE, I'M SUPPOSED TO DEBRIEF,
-"PROCEDURE"? HEY, MAN, I HATE THAT WORD,
SOUNDS, UH, REPUBLICAN OR SOMETHING,
-I AM A REPUBLICAN,
-YEAH, FIGURES,
OKAY, TIME'S UP, GANG,
( sighs )
-BET THIS IS THE ONLY PRECINCT IN THE DEPARTMENT
THAT HAS RECESS, -WHOO!
-CONSIDER IT A BREAK, BUDDY,
15 YEARS AGO, I HAD EVERYBODY MEDITATE FOR AN HOUR,
OKAY, BUCKAROOS, LET'S TELL JENKO DADDY-O
WHAT WENT DOWN AT THE SCHOOLHOUSE TODAY,
-( sighs )
IN CASE ANYBODY'S BABY GETS CONSTIPATED?
-YOU WISH, MAN,
THE STUFF HASN'T EVEN TAKEN ITS FIRST STEP,
-I THOUGHT PARKER CENTER WASN'T GONNA FRONT YOU
THE BUYING MONEY TILL THURSDAY,
-BUREAUCRACY WAITS FOR NO JUNKIE, JENK,
AND I GOT 2 LARGE OUT OF HOFFS' RESERVE,
AND THE SUSPECT IN QUESTION
LET ME TAKE THE REST OF IT UNDER MY ARM,
I MEAN, THIS GUY'S NOT TOO BRIGHT,
-GOOD GOING, HARRY,
I'LL FILE A WARRANT IN THE MORNING,
WE'LL PICK THE CREEP UP,
-AND I SHARE THE COLLAR, RIGHT? -WHAT?
-HEY, TOJO, IT WAS MY 2 GRAND, ( police radio chatter )
-HANSON, YOU STAY OUT OF TROUBLE TODAY?
-NOTES?
WHAT ARE YOU, LIKE, RELATED TO STEVE GARVEY?
-( clears throat )
6:45 A,M,, REPORTED TO JUMP STREET TO HEADQUARTERS
FOR ROLL CALL, CAPTAIN JENKO --
-I THINK WE GOT ALL THAT PART, HANSON,
WE WERE THERE, TOO, REMEMBER? ( clicks tongue )
( police radio chatter )
-ARRIVED AMHERST HIGH SCHOOL AT 8:37
AND IMMEDIATELY HAD AN ALTERCATION
WITH ONE TYRELL THOMPSON,
ALTERCATION TOOK PLACE
OVER PROPRIETORSHIP OF A PARKING SPOT,
NO SHOTS FIRED, -OH, GOOD THING, HANSON,
YOU DIDN'T HAVE A GUN,
-THOMPSON IS COMMONLY KNOWN AS WAXER,
HE'S A REPEAT OFFENDER, I GOT THAT FROM JUVENILE,
THEY KNOW ALL ABOUT HIM, -HMM,
AND I'M ALMOST CERTAIN
THAT WAXER IS ONE OF THE SUSPECTS FROM THAT 211
THAT OFFICER DONEGAN AND I INVESTIGATED LAST WEEK,
-( imitates police-radio squawk )
1-ADAM-12, 1-ADAM-12,
211, GO TO HEAVEN, 415, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN,
GET TO THE POINT!
-ONE OF THE VICTIMS, A KENNETH WECKERLE,
IS A STUDENT AT AMHERST,
WAS OBSERVED BY THIS OFFICER
BEING EXTORTED BY TYRELL THOMPSON,
-I THINK THAT MEANS "SQUEEZED,"
-WELL, APPARENTLY, WECKERLE OWES THOMPSON A LOT OF MONEY,
-FOR WHAT?
-THAT'S WHAT HE'S GONNA FIND OUT, SWEET BRITCHES,
( clicks tongue )
-YEAH, AND I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S A COINCIDENCE
THAT I WAS PUT INTO THE SAME SCHOOL
THAT KENNY WECKERLE GOES TO,
-NO, I TEND TO DOUBT IT, TOO, HANSON,,,
UNLESS YOU THINK I JUST GOT OFF TOUR
WITH THE MONKEES OR SOMETHING,
OF COURSE IT WASN'T AN ACCIDENT,
I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE TIME FOR YOU TO COOL OUT
FOR A WHILE,,, NOT GO IN THERE
AND START ROUSTING EVERYBODY IN STUDY HALL,
-WELL, IF KENNY WOULD HAVE MADE ME AS A COP,
IT WOULD HAVE BLOWN BOTH THE CASE AND MY COVER,
-HEY, MAN, NEVER HAPPEN, NAH,
LOOK, YOU AND IOKI
PUT A 24-HOUR STAKEOUT ON THIS KID,
AND,,,HARRY, I GUESS, YOU'D BETTER TAKE YOUR CAR,
-RIGHT,
-SO KENNY WECKER, WANKER, WHAT'S-IT DOESN'T RECOGNIZE
YOUR HOT-SHOT '68 IN THE SCHOOL PARKING LOT,
-COMPRENDE? -OH,
OKAY, CLASS DISMISSED,
-MAN, YOU KNOW, I LEARNED HOW TO SPEAK ENGLISH
BY WATCHING DRAGNET IN RERUNS, RIGHT?
AND I USED TO THINK THAT A "STAKEOUT"
WAS WHAT YOU DID TO GET A SIRLOIN TO GO,
( both chuckle )
AND DON'T ASK ME WHAT I THOUGHT "ASSUME THE POSITION" MEANT,
-( chuckles )
-MAN, I HATE THIS,
-I DON'T KNOW, WE'RE IN THE FIELD,
YOU KNOW, I KIND OF ENJOY IT, -YEAH, YOU WOULD,
YOU'RE ALL COP, AREN'T YOU? LIKE YOUR OLD MAN,
YOU KNOW, I HEARD HE WAS PRETTY HOT,
HE WON THE MEDAL OF VALOR AND EVERYTHING,
WHAT DID HE WIN IT FOR?
GETTING KILLED,
( indistinct talking on radio )
-♪ LOCK THE DOORS, IGNORE THE KIDS ♪
♪ AND LOOK THE OTHER WAY ♪
♪ THAT'S JUST THE WAY WE LIVE OUR LIVES IN THIS DAY AND AGE ♪
♪ WE ALL ARE PRISONERS, WATCHING OUR WORLD DECLINE ♪
♪ GOD ONLY HELP US ♪
♪ WHILE WE'RE LIVING IT UP ON BORROWED TIME ♪
♪ WE'RE NOT GONNA CHANGE ♪
♪ WE JUST FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO BLAME ♪
♪ WHAT A SHAME, WHAT A SHAME, WHAT A SHAME, WHAT A SHAME ♪
♪ OH OH OH ♪
♪ FATHER, MOTHER ♪
-SOME COLLAR-- THE KID'S A NEWSPAPER BOY,
( alarm ringing )
-I DON'T BELIEVE IT,
THE LITTLE JERK'S DOING SMASH-AND-GRABS,
-ALL RIGHT, TIME TO GOOSE THE DEUCE,
♪ THAT'S JUST THE WAY OF THE WORLD ♪
♪ WE ALL DENY IT, BUT WHO'S GONNA FIGHT IT? ♪
♪ THAT'S JUST THE WAY OF THE ♪
♪ THAT'S JUST THE WAY OF THE WORLD ♪
-GO EASY, IOKI,
I THINK WE'RE JUST SUPPOSED TO FOLLOW HIM,
-IT'S A 459, AND I NEED THE COLLAR,
HOFFS GOT HALF OF MY LAST ONE,
-♪ ALWAYS TELLIN' ME WHAT TO SAY ♪
( singing indistinctly )
♪ I'M GONNA GET BY ♪
♪ ON LIFE, LIBERTY, AND THE PURSUIT OF LIFETIME TIME ♪
( singing indistinctly )
( siren wails )
( horn honks )
♪ HEY, HEY ♪
♪ MOTHER, FATHER, SISTER, AND BROTHER ♪
♪ THAT'S JUST THE WAY OF THE WORLD ♪
♪ MODERN HEALERS, FEELERS, AND DEALERS ♪
♪ THAT'S JUST THE WAY OF THE WORLD ♪
♪ OH, OH, OH ♪
-PULL OVER, IOKI, IT'S ONE OF OURS!
-MAN, BUT HE'S GETTING AWAY!
-♪ THAT'S JUST THE WAY OF THE ♪
♪ THAT'S JUST THE WAY OF THE WORLD ♪
♪ YEAH, YEAH ♪
( siren continues wailing )
( tires screech )
♪ HEY, HEY, HEY ♪
( singing indistinctly )
-OKAY, BUSTER, GET YOUR HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM
AND FREEZE!
-WAIT A MINUTE, DON'T SHOOT! I'M A COP!
-SAYS WHO?
-SAYS ME,
HANSON,
I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN,
I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE YOU
WITHOUT THE BANDAGE ON YOUR PARTNER'S NOSE,
-( sighs )
-THE METER, OR THE RHYME, IF YOU WILL,
OF A WELL-WRITTEN SENTENCE,,, -( snoring )
,,,GIVES US, THE WRITER, THE POETIC PLATFORM
TO, IN FACT, LAUNCH THE LITERARY PASSION
THAT WE, THE WRITERS, INTEND,
CAN ANYONE TELL ME ANOTHER REASON
WE MIGHT CHOOSE TO DIAGRAM A SENTENCE?
ANYONE? JUST RAISE YOUR HAND, RAISE YOUR HAND,
-( snoring ) -UH,,,
UH,,,DAVID GOBAL?
-HUH? ( class tittering )
-GOOD MORNING, MR, GOBAL, MIGHT YOU TELL
THE REST OF THE CLASS ANOTHER REASON
WHY WE MIGHT WANT TO LEARN HOW TO DIAGRAM A SENTENCE?
-SO YOU CAN DRAW A SALARY?
( class laughing )
-I'LL TAKE THAT, MR, BAUER,
I'M SURE THE REST OF THE CLASS HERE IS BREATHLESS WITH INTEREST
CONCERNING YOUR LIAISON,
READ IT ALOUD,
-COME ON, MAN, IT'S PERSONAL,
-I'M NOT YOUR "MAN," MR, BAUER,
READ IT, OR GET READY FOR EXTRA INNINGS WITH MR, SHAFFER,
-( sighs )
( clears throat )
"DEAR TOM, I HOPE YOU'RE ENJOYING MR, LAMB'S LECTURE
"ON DIAGRAMMING SENTENCES AS MUCH AS I AM,
"IF YOU NEED ANY STUDY HELP, I'LL BE GLAD,,,"
( indistinct whispering )
-"HI, MY NAME IS WENDY, AND I LOVE TO PARTY,
( laughter )
"I'LL MEET YOU AFTER SCHOOL,
IF YOU HAVE A CAR, JUST TELL ME WHERE IT'S AT,"
OH, BRILLIANTLY WRITTEN, MISS BYERS,
NO, BRILLIANT,
BUT IN MY CLASSROOM, WE LIKE TO REFRAIN
FROM ENDING A SENTENCE WITH A PREPOSITION,
"IF YOU HAVE A CAR, JUST TELL ME WHERE IT'S AT"?
HELP HER OUT, MR, BAUER,
-IT'S IN THE STUDENT LOT, A BLUE '68 MUSTANG,
( laughter ) -WITH THE PREPOSITIONAL PROBLEM
AT THE END OF THE SENTENCE, GENIUS,
FOR EXAMPLE-- IF YOU WERE TO ASK ME,
'CAUSE YOU'RE NEW HERE AT SCHOOL--
WHERE THE CAFETERIA IS AT,
HOW WOULD YOU ASK IT PROPERLY?
-"WHERE'S THE CAFETERIA AT, SCHMO?"
( laughter )
( bell rings )
-I HAVE BEEN FILLED IN ON YOUR POTENTIAL
AS A PROBLEM HERE AT AMHERST,
SO, IN MY OWN WAY, I'D LIKE TO CONTRIBUTE
TO YOUR REHABILITATION,
INSTEAD OF GIVING THAT WISE MOUTH OF YOURS
A WEEK'S DETENTION, I PREFER A MORE CIVIL APPROACH,
WELCOME TO THE DRAMA CLUB,
I'M GOING TO BE DIRECTING RIP VAN WINKLE THIS YEAR,
AND IF YOU DON'T COME OUT FOR THE SCHOOL PLAY,
I'M SURE I CAN GET JAKE SHAFFER TO ASSIGN YOU
A MORE BARBARIC REPRISAL,
-LOOK, WENDY, I THINK YOU'RE NICE AND ALL, BUT,,,
-THANKS, MY MOM THINKS I'M A TRAMP,
SO, I LIKE GUYS, I MEAN, BIG DEAL, IT'S NORMAL,
LIKE, I GOT A LOT OF HORMONAL ACTIVITY
GOING ON IN MY GLANDS OR SOMETHING,
SO SHE MAKES ME WATCH ALL THESE THINGS ON PUBLIC TV--
YOU KNOW, ABOUT TEENAGE PREGNANCY AND VENEREAL DISEASE,
AND, LIKE, I DON'T DO THAT,
EXCEPT I HAVE THIS FRIEND-- I WON'T TELL YOU HER NAME,
WELL, OKAY, OKAY, SO, IT'S SHEILA,
AND ANYWAY, SHE THOUGHT, LIKE, THAT SHE HAD HERPES,
BUT IT WAS JUST A COLD SORE,
BUT A COLD SORE, THAT'S LIKE HERPES, RIGHT?
-ABSOLUTELY, SAME,
-DO YOU REALLY HAVE A MUSTANG?
-YEAH,
-THAT IS SO HOT, WHERE DID YOU GET IT?
-IT WAS MY DAD'S,
-MINE DRIVES A CHRYSLER, YOURS MUST BE REALLY COOL,
-YEAH, HE WAS,
LOOK, WENDY, UH, I,,,
I ALREADY, UH,,, HAVE A GIRLFRIEND,
-( chuckles )
LUCKY GIRL,
-WHO?
-YOUR GIRLFRIEND, YOU'RE A GREAT KISSER,
-YEAH, WELL, I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO GO THROUGH LIFE
WITHOUT AT LEAST ONE, YOU KNOW?
-HEY, PAL, THAT'S MY GIRLFRIEND,
-LUCKY GUY, SHE'S A GREAT KISSER,
( chuckles )
( clatter ) -( chuckles )
-FOR THIS YEAR'S SCHOOL DRAMATIC PRESENTATION,
I HAVE SELECTED RIP VAN WINKLE,
MY FELLOW THESPIANS,
RIP VAN WINKLE IS AN AMERICAN CLASSIC,
-I AIN'T NO "THESBIAN," MR, LAMB,
-NO WAY, MAN, YOU'RE A HOMO,
-ALL RIGHT, CLASS,,,
GLAD THAT YOU CAN MAKE IT, MR, BAUER,
-OH, YEAH, I GOT HUNG UP WITH RONA BARRETT,
AFTER THIS, SHE FIGURES
I'M GONNA BE BIGGER THAN PAUL NEWMAN,
-OH, IN THAT CASE, MAYBE I SHOULD GIVE YOU THE LEAD,
-NO, KIDDING,
-FORTUNATELY FOR WASHINGTON IRVING, SO WAS I,
KENNY,,, KENNY!
IF YOU WOULD,,,
COULD YOU PLEASE READ THROUGH THE PLAY
WITH BUTCH CASSIDY HERE?
KENNY WECKERLE, TOM BAUER,
-THIS PLAY STINKS!
CAN'T WE DO SOMETHING WITH "DEATH" IN THE TITLE?
-ALL RIGHT, CLASS, ( speaking indistinctly )
-UH-OH,
-WHAT ARE YOU, A HYPNOTIST?
QUIT STARING, HUH? -YEAH,
-WHERE DO YOU WANT TO START?
-I,,, I DON'T KNOW, I DON'T KNOW THE PLAY,
-YOU'RE LUCKY,
THE THING COULD CURE AN INSOMNIAC,
HEY, DO I KNOW YOU?
-NO, I'M NEW,
-NO, I KNOW I KNOW YOU, MAN,
-NO, YOU COULDN'T, SEE, I'M FROM WILCOX,
-YEAH, I DO,
YOU USED TO DATE MY SISTER,
HALF THE GUYS AT WILCOX HAVE,
KIND OF SKINNY, A REAL BRAT? NOREEN?
GOT ONE OF THEM SID VICIOUS HAIRCUTS LIKE YOURS?
-OH, YEAH, NOREEN, YEAH, NICE GIRL,
-WAIT TILL YOU LIVE WITH HER,
-HEY, NEED A RIDE HOME? -NO,
-COME ON, IT'S NO PROBLEM,
-WHAT ARE YOU, A PRIEST? I DON'T NEED A RIDE,
-HEY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? IS SOMETHING WRONG OR SOMETHING?
-WHO WANTS TO KNOW?
-FORGET IT, -EXACTLY,
-HI, -HI,
I DON'T WANT ANY MORE TROUBLE WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND, OKAY?
-OH, HE'S NOT MY BOYFRIEND, I JUST GO OUT WITH HIM,
-REALLY? -YEAH,
-OKAY,
I'M SORRY I GOT TO TELL YOU THIS,
YOU KNOW YOUR FRIEND SHEILA? -UH-HUH,
-IT WAS ME WHO GAVE HER THE COLD SORE,
I LIKE YOU AND ALL, BUT IT WOULD BE UNFAIR
IF I DIDN'T TELL YOU, I THINK I'M A CARRIER,
-REALLY? -YEAH,
WOUNDED IN ACTION DURING THE SEXUAL REVOLUTION,
BUT I'LL GIVE YOU A CALL WHEN IT GOES INTO REMISSION,
-HEY, LOOK, I KIND OF ALREADY HAVE A BOYFRIEND,
LET'S JUST BE FRIENDS, OKAY? -OKAY,
-( chuckles nervously ) YUCK,
- COME ON, BOY,
YOUR DADDY'S JAG WAS JUST THE INTEREST,
I NEED YOU TO PAY THE WHOLE TAB,
-LOOK, MAN, I'M WORKING ON IT, I TOLD YOU,
-YOU BETTER WORK ON IT FASTER,
THIS BANK'S GOT A STEEP RATE,
-LEAVE HIM ALONE,
-LOOK, MAN, THIS IS NONE OF YOUR PROBLEM,
JUST GET OUT OF HERE, ALL RIGHT?
-BUT HIS PROBLEM IS SOME OF MINE,
I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU, BOY,
-LEAVE HIM ALONE, -YOU'D BEST CHILL,
THIS SQUARE IS A BUSINESS ASSOCIATE OF MINE,
-WOULD YOU SHUT UP ABOUT THAT?!
-START WORRYING ABOUT YOURSELF,
I'M GONNA CUT YOU A LESSON NOW, BOY,
COME ON, GET SOME OF THIS, YOU BAD,
COME ON,
-HEY!
GET OUT OF HERE!
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?
I TOLD YOU TWO PUNKS ABOUT THIS!
-HEY, RELAX, MR, SHAFFER,
ME AND MY NEW BUDDY WAS JUST PLAYING THE DOZENS,
-THAT TRUE?
-OH, YEAH, THE GUY'S A REAL BUDDY,
-HEY, BUDDY, I'LL CALL YOU LATER,
-PLEASE DO,
-YOU KNOW I WILL,
DON'T TRY PULLING WAXER OFF SIDE, BAUER,
HE'S A KILLER,
-IS HE?
-SHAZAM, CAPTAIN MARVEL,
HOW DID YOU GET THIS SO FAST?
-AN OLD FRIEND OF MY DAD'S RUNS THE NIGHT SHIFT
DOWN AT RECORDS AND I,D,s,
SO I GOT UP EARLY AND HAD HIM PULL THE FILE,
-A LITTLE EXTRA CREDIT, HUH? GOOD LICKS, BUB,
-LISTEN TO THIS-- IN THE LAST SIX WEEKS,
THERE HAVE BEEN 15 459s IN THE SAME AREA,
ALL BETWEEN 4:00 AND 6:00 A,M,
I THOUGHT FOR SURE
KENNY WECKERLE WAS INVOLVED IN DRUGS,
BUT NOW IT LOOKS MORE LIKE A BURGLARY RING,
-MAYBE,
BUT THEN WHERE DOES THIS WAXER GUY FIT IN?
I MEAN, HE'S PLAYING THE KID PRETTY HARD,
TRIED TO BEAT HIM UP, RIPPED OFF HIS OLD MAN'S CAR,
-I STILL THINK WE SHOULD PICK KENNY UP AND BOOK HIM,
IOKI AND I CAN MAKE A PRETTY GOOD CASE--
I,D,'d HIM AT THE SCENE AND EVERYTHING,
-OH, WAIT A MINUTE, HERE'S THE DEAL,
WE'LL KEEP AN EYE ON SCOOTER WANK WECKERLE,
YOU STICK WITH WAXER,
I MEAN, IT JUST SEEMS TO ME, IT'D TAKE A LOT MORE
THAN A BUNCH OF HOT WATCHES AND CAMERAS
TO PAY FOR THAT FERRARI HE'S DRIVING,
WELL, SEE YOU AT THE SCHOOLHOUSE, SON,
-♪ NO LIFE, NO LOVE, DON'T KNOW NO ONE ♪
♪ NO PRESERVATIVES, NO TASTE, NO FUN ♪
-♪ NO ♪
-♪ I SAID, NO, NO ♪
♪ REMEMBER, NO, NO ♪
-HEY, WAXER!
WAXER,
-( singing indistinctly )
-♪ NO DRUGS, NO VICE ♪
-HEY, WAXER!
♪ NO TOLERANCE, NO MORE, NO WAY ♪
-♪ NO ♪
( music stops )
-HEY, RAY RAY,
THE CLARINET PLAYER IS HERE,
WHAT'S UP? YOU DON'T LIKE RAP MUSIC?
-THIS BETTER NOT BE MY DAD'S CAR,
-NO, BOY, IT'S WHAT'S LEFT OF YOUR DADDY'S CAR,
RAY RAY GOT 3 GRAND
FOR THE MOTOR AND TRANNY ALONE,
( laughing )
-YEAH, WELL, YOU'RE NOT PAWNING THIS!
THIS BELONGED TO MY DAD,
-DON'T PUSH IT,
-YOU OWE ME THE DIFFERENCE FOR THE REST OF THAT CAR,
-I DON'T OWE YOU NOTHING,
-WE'RE SQUARE NOW, RIGHT?
( camera shutter clicks )
EVEN?
( camera shutter clicks )
-YOU CAN NEVER GET EVEN, BOY,
BUT THIS SURE DOES IMPROVE THE T,R,W,
( laughs )
( vehicle door opens )
( soft music plays )
-HEY, WHAT'S UP WITH THIS GUY, HUH?
I MEAN, FIRST, WE FOLLOW HIM FROM HIS HOUSE, RIGHT,
THEN THROUGH SOME DUMP,
AND NOW WHAT-- HE'S HUNGRY?
-I'M GOING IN THERE,
NOW, LOOK, WAXER COMES OUT,
HIT THE HORN TWICE AND THEN FOLLOW HIM, OKAY?
-HEY, WAIT A MINUTE, MAN,
SINCE WHEN ARE YOU IN CHARGE OF THIS MISSION?
-SINCE I'M THE ONE UNDERCOVER AT AMHERST,
BUT YOU'RE RIGHT, I'M SORRY, BROTHER,
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?
-I DON'T WANT TO HIT THE HORN TWICE,
IT'S BROKEN,
-WHAT A SURPRISE,
( soft music plays )
-YOU'RE LATE,
-MAYBE YOU'RE EARLY,
-YOU GOT THE STUFF? -RELAX, ACE, IT'S IN MY TRUNK,
HOW ABOUT SOME CHAMPAGNE?
-SIR?
-OH, UH, GIVE ME A DRAFT,
-WE DON'T SERVE DRAFT,
-OKAY, THEN GIVE ME A LIGHT,
-COME ON, CISCO, WE'VE ALL SEEN THE AD,
BUD LIGHT, OKAY,
-HOW ABOUT SOME I,D,, JACK?
-THIS IS ALL THE I,D, I NEED
UNLESS YOU WANT ME TO REPORT THIS DUMP
TO THE ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGE COMMISSION,
SEE ABOUT PULLING YOUR LICENSE,
-UH, BUD LIGHT? -RIGHT,
( indistinct conversation )
-HANDSHAKE, HUH?
-GO,
-( whistling )
( engine revving )
-POLICE EMERGENCY! OFFICER TOM HANSON!
-LET ME GUESS-- FOLLOW THAT CAR?
-THAT'S RIGHT, -FORGET IT,
-WHAT?! THIS IS POLICE BUSINESS! LET'S ROLL!
-TAKE A BUS,
-HEY, PAL, IT'S IN MY JURISDICTIONAL RIGHT
TO COMMANDEER THIS TAXICAB! -COMMANDEER THIS, PAL,
( paper rustling, tearing )
-KEEP THE PORSCHE IN SIGHT, THE OTHER HALF IS YOURS,
I'LL FIX THE TICKET,
-OOH, ANYTHING YOU SAY, COMMANDER,
HOLD ON,
( honking horn )
YOU WOULDN'T BE RELATED TO A GUY NAMED IOKI, WOULD YOU?
-IS HE ITALIAN?
-CRAZY SON OF A BITCH!
LOOK AT MY CAR! YOU CRAZY, MAN!
HERE I AM, STOPPING FOR THE RED LIGHT, AND,,,
HEY, WHAT IS THIS?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
YOU FOLLOWING ME, BOY?
FOLLOW HIM!
( telephone ringing )
-YEAH? -Jenko,
YEAH, THIS IS HANSON, LOOK, WE MESSED UP,
-WHAT HAPPENED?
-WAXER MADE A VEHICLE SWITCH WITH SOME GUY,
IOKI FOLLOWED HIM,
1925 High Park, Suite 310,
NAME ON THE DOOR IS BENNOTOVICH,
I FOLLOWED WAXER IN A CAB, -Yeah, And?
WELL, WE KIND OF RAN INTO HIM, HE SAW ME AND THEN TOOK OFF,
SHOTS WERE FIRED, -YOU OKAY?
-YEAH, BUT I DON'T THINK THE TAXI IS GONNA MAKE IT,
-HEY, FORGET THE TAXI,
TAXIS ARE EASIER TO COME BY THAN GOOD COPS,
LISTEN, UH,,,
pick up the Weckerle kid, -WHAT CHARGE?
I'LL CALL IN FOR A RAMEY WARRANT ON THAT 459,
'cause Waxer, he's gonna want to shut him up,
And we'll package that dude on High Park tomorrow morning,
OKAY? HOW'S THE DEUCE?
-THE BEST,
( vehicle approaching )
( vehicle door opens )
-WHAT'S UP, KENNY?
-WHAT DO YOU WANT?
-WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I WANT SOMETHING?
YOU DONE GOOD FOR ME, KENNY, YOU MADE ME SOME MONEY,
YOU GOT STRAIGHT, IT'S STARTING TO WORK OUT,
AND I FIGURE, LIKE ANY GOOD BUSINESSMAN,
A LITTLE PROFIT PARTICIPATION AMONG MY EMPLOYEES
WILL KEEP MORALE HIGH,
( chuckling )
SPEEDBALL THIS MIX,
IT'S THE BEST,
( chuckles )
-OKAY, I'M GOING TO TAG UP WITH JENK,
ALL RIGHT? -ALL RIGHT,
HEY, YOU'RE IN MY ENGLISH CLASS, RIGHT?
-YEAH, LOVED YOUR HURRAH, MAN,
MADE LAMB LOOK LIKE A GOON, -OH, THANKS,
YOU KNOW A GUY NAMED WECKERLE -- KENNY WECKERLE?
-I KNOW HIS SISTER BETTER, ( laughs )
-WELL, HAVE YOU SEEN HIM AROUND? -NO, SORRY, MAN,
-HELLO?
-"WELL, GEORGE, WHILE I WAS IN MY OFFICE TODAY,
"I HEARD A FUNNY SOUND,
AND WHAT DO YOU THINK IT WAS?"
-( blows a raspberry )
( class laughs )
-"IT WAS YOUR MOTHER CHOPPING WOOD,"
-IS KENNY WECKERLE IN HERE?
-MR, BAUER, NICE OF YOU TO JOIN US,
CONSIDERING YOU ARE IN THE PLAY,
-FORGET THE PLAY, HAS ANYBODY SEEN HIM?
-YEAH, I SAW HIM DOWN BY THE GYM,
HE WAS PROBABLY SNIFFING SNEAKERS OR SOMETHING,
( laughter ) -ALL RIGHT, CLASS,
( water running )
-KENNY!
GIVE ME THE PARAMEDICS-- BOYS' LOCKER ROOM!
WHO CARES WHO THIS IS, MISS FUTTERMAN?!
GET THE PARAMEDICS DOWN HERE, OR SOMEBODY DIES!
-FREEZE! -FREEZE!
-STAY DOWN,
-THE MAN SAID "FREEZE,"
-YOU'RE UNDER ARREST, MAN,
YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT,
ANYTHING YOU SAY CAN AND WILL BE USED AGAINST YOU
IN A COURT OF LAW,
YOU HAVE THE RIGHT AT THIS TIME
TO TALK TO A LAWYER AND HAVE HIM PRESENT WITH YOU
WHILE YOU'RE BEING QUESTIONED,
-YOU UNDERSTAND?! FREEZE!
-LOOK, HANSON, THE KID WAS SHOOTING JUNK,
IT HAD TO HAPPEN,
-IF WAXER HADN'T HAVE PUT ME WITH KENNY,
HE WOULDN'T HAVE GIVEN HIM A HOT SHOT,
-LOOK, SOMEONE DOES DRUGS, THEY'RE GONNA DIE,
MAYBE RIGHT AWAY, MAYBE AFTER A WHOLE LOT OF PAIN,
BUT THEY'RE GONNA DIE,
YOU CAN BUST ALL THE DEALERS YOU WANT, MAN,
THE THING IS, YOU GOT TO BUST THE JONES,
-NOREEN WANTED US TO TELL YOU
THAT SHE LOVES YOU AND SHE'S REAL SORRY,
-KENNY, WE'RE ALL SORRY,
-FOR WHAT?
YOU HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT,
-OH, YES, WE DID,
-WHAT IS IT WITH PARENTS, MAN?
IT'S GOT MORE TO DO WITH WHO'S COOL
THAN WHAT KIND OF MOM AND DAD YOU GOT STUCK WITH,
-WOULD YOU EXCUSE US, PLEASE?
-YEAH, YEAH, SURE,
-GONNA PLAY GOLF WITH YOU THIS SUNDAY, KIDDO--
JUST YOU AND THE OLD MAN, OKAY?
( door closes )
-( scoffs )
( sighs )
I HEAR YOU'RE A COP,
THAT STINKS!
SOME KIND OF DOUBLE AGENT, HUH?
BLOWING IN YOUR BUDDIES,
YOU'RE NOT MY BUDDY,
-OH, BREAKING MY HEART,
-YEAH, BUT I SAVED YOUR LIFE ANYWAY,
-WHO SAID I WAS GONNA DIE?
-10 cc's OF CHINA WHITE, SPEEDBALLING WITH PURE FLAKE?!
WAXER WAS TRYING TO KILL YOU, MAN,
HE FIGURED I WAS A COP AND THAT I WAS ONTO YOU,
-THEN MAYBE YOU AND MY OLD MAN SHOULD GET TOGETHER
AND SPLIT THE COST OF THIS ROOM,
( cries in pain )
SPIT OFF!
-NOW, MAYBE I CAN'T SAVE YOUR TAIL, MAN--
MAYBE I DON'T EVEN WANT TO--
BUT I WANT WAXER'S!
AND YOU DON'T TELL ME WHERE I CAN FIND HIM,
I'M GONNA KICK IT UNTIL YOU DO,,,
BUDDY TO BUDDY,
-( knocks on door )
-YEAH, WHAT'S UP?
-I'M LOOKING FOR SOME O,G, NAMED WAXER,
-SAVE THE RED-EYE,
-WHO'S HE?
-RELAX, THE DUDE'S SPRUNG,
-WHO IS IT? -SOME FRESH-LOOKING FREAK,,,
AND A GRAY BOY,
( laughter )
-I'LL SAY,
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
-I NEED AN EIGHT-TRACK, I HEARD YOU'RE UP ON THAT,
-SAYS WHO?
-ORIGINAL GANGSTER, MY EYE,
WE'RE OUT OF HERE, BABY,
-YOU GOT THE DUCATS?
-ALL RIGHT, YOU CAN COME IN,
BUT THE GRAY BOY STAYS OUTSIDE,
-DAMN, SHE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO GO IN ALONE,
-How you know I'm dealing, girl?
-You know, man, I just figured
you bought all the fancy cars with your lunch money,
-COOL IT, JUDE,
YO, HANSON,
-YEAH, JENK,
-BROKEN PLAY-- HOFFS WENT IN ALONE,
-FOUR FOR $300,
-$200 HERE,
MY FRIEND OUTSIDE HAS THE REST,
-HOLD HER ARMS,
Hey, girl, what's this?
-ROLL IN!
-HOFFS! -YEAH, I'M ALL RIGHT!
-DROP THE WEAPON, SON,
DROP IT NOW,
-( moaning )
( gunshot )
-HOLD IT, MAN!
-♪ YEAH, YEAH, YEAH ♪
♪ YOU'RE A PARTY, YEAH ♪
♪ YOU'RE STILL HUNGRY ♪
♪ GIVEN THE BEST ♪
♪ YOU'RE STILL THIRSTY ♪
♪ I KNOW A MIRACLE IS NEVER ENOUGH ♪
( singing indistinctly )
-YOU'RE UNDER ARREST,
-YOU'RE NOT MAN ENOUGH, BOY,
-YOU'RE UNDER ARREST, TYRELL,
( siren wailing )
-OKAY, EVERYBODY, GOOD GOING, GOOD GOING,
OKAY, LET'S GO, BUDDY, LET'S GO, GET UP,
-WHOO! AND THEY SAY WHITE BOYS AIN'T FAST,
-FUNNY,
HEY, I DIDN'T FINISH READING HIM HIS RIGHTS!
SOMEONE'S GOT TO FINISH, OR WE BLOW IT ON A MIRANDA!
-HANSON, I SWEAR, YOU NEVER QUIT BEING A COP, DO YOU?
NEVER,
I LIKE THAT IN A MAN,
-HEY, YOU OKAY? -YEAH,
-HUH? GOOD WORK, TOM, -THANKS,
-YOU SURE YOU'RE ALL RIGHT? -YEAH,
-OKAY, GO ON HOME AND GET SOME Z's,
-HEY, JENK, YOU KNOW, I'M STARTING TO LIKE THAT LADY,
WHAT'S HER DEAL? -HEY, DON'T SWEAT IT, MAN,
YOU'D NEVER MAKE THE WEIGHT,
-DON'T BET ON IT,
-EXCEPT FOR THE PARALLEL-PARKING PART
OF THE DRIVER'S TEST, I ALMOST GOT A PERFECT SCORE,
-OH, WAIT A MINUTE, HERE,
I DIDN'T BRING MY CRASH HELMET, NOREEN,
-HEY, I'M A GOOD DRIVER, -OKAY, I'M SORRY,
-ANYWAY, MOM AND DAD THOUGHT
YOU MIGHT GET A KICK OUT OF ME DRIVING YOU HOME,
-WHAT, THEY DIDN'T WANT TO COME?
-OF COURSE, BUT, UH, WELL, THEY WANTED TO MAKE SURE
THEY DIDN'T START
LAYING ALL KINDS OF STUFF ON YOU RIGHT AWAY,
-I GUESS PARENTS KIND OF DO THAT SORT OF THING
BECAUSE THEY LOVE YOU, HUH? -YEAH,
IT'S BEEN HARD ON THEM,
PROBABLY ALMOST AS HARD AS IT'S BEEN ON YOU,
-I'M GONNA BE OKAY, -I KNOW,
-UH, GIVE ME A MINUTE, HUH?
-YEAH, SURE,
-YOU STILL TALKING TO ME? -SURE,
-THAT'S GREAT, -EVEN THOUGH I'M A COP?
-ESPECIALLY BECAUSE YOU'RE A COP,
-LOOK, KENNY, YOU KNOW, A GUY MESSES UP ONCE,
IT DOESN'T MEAN HIS WHOLE LIFE IS OVER,
HAPPENS TO EVERYBODY,
-EVER HAPPEN TO YOU? -ALL THE TIME,
YOU TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, OKAY?
-HEY, HANSON--
THANKS,
-HEY, KENNY--
SAY HI TO YOUR SISTER FOR ME,
-I MEAN, I'VE HEARD OF LUCKY BEFORE,
BUT HANSON'S RIDICULOUS,
HE'S BEEN HERE LESS THAN A WEEK,
AND ALREADY HE'S BUSTED SOME MAJOR DEALER
WHO HAD WAXER WORKING KENNY WECKERLE OVER
ON A COCAINE PAYROLL-- RUNNING A BURGLAR RING,
THAT'S THREE COLLARS, COUNT 'EM, WHY COULDN'T WE TRADE?
THEN, KENNY'S IN A DRUG REHAB,
AND ANOTHER MIDDLE-AMERICAN FAMILY
IS SAVED FROM THE JAWS OF DRUGS AND DESTRUCTION,
HANSON IS GONNA END UP
WITH A GOLD STAR ON HIS FIRST REPORT CARD
AND GET ALL THE GLORY,
ARE WE GONNA LET HIM GET AWAY WITH THAT?
OH,
-I DIDN'T KNOW WE GOT REPORT CARDS, DOUG,
-USUALLY, HANSON,
WHEN PENHALL COMPLAINS THAT MUCH ABOUT ANOTHER COP,
IT MEANS HE'S IMPRESSED, AND YOU SHOULD BE,
-WELL, IF HE'S NOT, I AM,
GOOD WORK, MAN,
OH-HO-HO,
-OKAY, OKAY, SO, I'M IMPRESSED,
BUT DON'T LET THEM IN ON IT,
I GOT A REP TO PROTECT, YOU KNOW?
-I KNOW, IS JENKO IN? I WANT TO DEBRIEF,
DEBRIEF? HANSON, IT'S FRIDAY NIGHT,
-SO?
-SO, NOBODY DEBRIEFS ON FRIDAY NIGHT,
-WHY NOT? -( scoffs )
-WELL, NOW, THERE, THEN, WHAT DID YOU DO,
WIN A FIELD TRIP TO GROSSE POINTE?
-OFF DUTY, I'M TRYING TO LEAVE MY WORK AT THE OFFICE,
-YEAH? GROOVY, WHAT YOU GOT IN THAT BOX?
OH,
-WELL, I FIGURED MAYBE I CAN SIT IN WITH YOU GUYS FOR A SET,
-YOU? YOU'RE GONNA SIT IN WITH US?
YOU? -YEAH, IF YOU CAN KEEP UP,
-SAY WHAT?! HEY, DON'T STRAIN YOURSELF, BRO,
( up-tempo music plays )
( saxophone solo )